do you guys remember that one post about how men feel entitled to take up so much space and women have to deal with a lot less?
This is actually a documented thing. You always see men on the subway or tube or whatever using both armrests while women sit with their arms hunched together into their laps. That’s why I always make a point to take up at least one if not both armrests of the tube so men can be uncomfortable for once.
^ again, for all the people telling me posting this picture is complaining too much.
In my college classes (and high school too) guys were always stretching, sticking fists and elbows in my face, leaning their heads back over my desk, over my work, spreading their legs out, kicking my bag with their dirty shoes. And let’s not pretend they were in other guys’ space as much as they were in women’s.
It’s so true, this happens to me every day on the train. Same with the walking thing, women will weave out of the way whereas men just walk straight and plow down anything in their path. I always end up playing chicken with men on the sidewalk now, because I refuse to move out of their way.
I love playing chicken with dudes who hog the sidewalk. BODY CHECK! Fucking assholes.
“NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS!” FUCK OFF.
“AS A MAN, I THINK THAT…” FUCK OFF.
Men always have the same defensive bullshit to spout every time they get called out on their shit. AND IT IS BORING. They remind me of those toys where you pull a string an they have like 5 phrases they can say. Over and over and over.
same here with playing chicken, its hilarious sometimes because they get this flash of realization in their eyes that says ‘holy shit, she’s NOT going to move/??? what do????’ because THEY ARE SO USED TO EVERYONE MOVING FOR THEM
when i was younger my grandpa drew this on a piece of paper,
and he asked me how i, as the red circle, would get around the two people (black circles) if i was walking down the street.
so of course i came back with
moving out of the way for them as i walked.
he asked me if i thought men would do the same and, at the time, i did because i thought it was just common courtesy. but he told me that men would barrel straight through without giving a shit and that i should do the exact same. because i was the one walking and they were the ones in the way. so that’s exactly what i do.
i find this really fascinating because this actually what defines so-called masculine and feminine traits and gestures. the whole limp-wrist thing? that’s someone decreasing the amount of space they take up by not extending their arm fully. same with crossing one’s legs, how it’s considered more masculine to swing your shoulders when you walk creating a wider gait instead of your hips, how someone who holds their elbows tightly into their torso instead of letting them fall more loosely at their sides is considered feminine.
taking up space is not just a frequent habit of males in our culture, its actually how society thinks masculinity is supposed to be expressed.
It’s also why you can seriously freak people out if you’re a woman by sitting back in your chair and draping your arm over the backrest of the one beside it.
It’s claiming space, and more importantly, it’s powerful body language. In primates (including humans), the individual that “opens” its chest—that is, leaves it open to attack—is the most dominant of them, precisely because it shows a confidence that no one WILL attack you.
Look at someone who’s comfortable vs someone who’s uncomfortable—the uncomfortable person will inevitably cross their arms or cover their chest to in an instinct to protect the thoracic cavity.
So, when you want to look HELLA confident, open up your chest and make direct eye contact. It feels weird (for women!) at first, but it’s the fastest way to freak a dude out. They genuinely do not know what to do when a woman displays behaviour they recognize as confident.
This was interesting. Literally never thought about it before.
so gonna do that , i’m already laughing at their faces
So, true story, I learned how to be confident from my father (and my mother, but my father gives less fucks) and I was visiting university campus’s with my dad and going through tours and I noticed that the tour guide ALWAYS looked at my dad, directed his attention to my father, over and over again.
I studied my dad for the rest of the tour to figure out what my dad was doing that gathered such attention to him. Was he asking more questions? No. In fact, if someone else asked a question, the tour guide would sometimes direct the answer TO my father despite the fact that he hadn’t made a sound.
What I learned that day was that my dad focused his attention on the tour guide completely. It was more than just being polite, he looked genuinely interested in what the guide was saying. He also stood straight, with his shoulders open and his head back. He kept his hands either at his sides or in the small of his back. If he crossed his arms, he kept them loose. He also stood with his knees relaxed, not ramrod straight, and, again, gave the tour guide his entire attention.
And people just *looked* at him. They automatically gave him a measure of respect.
So I decided to try and see if they would do the same to me. And it worked! Sometimes too well, as I occasionally I became uncomfortable with the amount of attention I could gather and hold. I found it was easy to direct someone’s gaze elsewhere, all I had to do was focus on other people. If someone else asked a question and the tour guide answered it while looking at me, then I’d look at the person who originally asked the question and the tour guide would inevitably look their way. It would then take a while to gather their attention back to myself.
I’ve used those simple tricks over and over again since then. They don’t always work on people predisposed to overlook you, but they do work a lot of the time!
Excerpt from Naomi Kwe's writings about being a First Nations sex worker. There is NO ONE NARRATIVE here, there are myriad people and myriad stories and C-36 does ALL of them a disservice
I am an Indigenous woman, a domestic violence survivor and a sexual assault survivor. I am also a former sex worker. An Anishnaabe-kwe, I am originally from Northern Ontario, where I first started working as an escort. Eventually, I moved to Southern Ontario in search of more opportunities and I did so in the context of sex work. I am not a victim of human trafficking. But because the definition of a human trafficking victim is so broad, I would be considered a victim based on definition alone: young, Indigenous, female, travelling from the north to the south in search of more job opportunities, and working in the sex industry. In the context of Bill C-36, all sex workers would be considered victims irrespective of exploitative or coercive situations. Bill C-36 fails to differentiate between exploitative situations and non-exploitative situations, which is a complete contradiction to Bedford. For those individuals who do experience exploitation and coercion, diverting resources away from victims of exploitation toward anti-prostitution campaigns, like Bill C-36, does an injustice to the victims.
When I was sexually assaulted, I quickly learned, as a sex worker, I could not go to the police for protection. After this assault, which did not happen in the context of sex work, I went to the police to make a report. Yet, when the investigating officer asked what I did for work, I told her I was a sex worker. The officer then blamed my work for what happened even after I kept emphasizing that the assault did not happen in the context of sex work. Following this assault, I also asked to be referred to mental health counseling for what happened and my doctor’s office would not refer me until I lied about not doing sex work anymore–I asked three times and by the third time, I realized I would not receive the referral unless my nurse believed I was not doing sex work anymore. Again, even though sex work had nothing to do with the assault. I left the police station feeling yet again alienated and isolated due to the criminalization of my work and the inability to access to basic services like safety and protection. This idea that all prostitution is violence against women ignores these realities that I outlined above. More importantly, these arguments, that prostitution is male violence against women, ignore the fact that Indigenous sex workers can experience institutional and systemic violence. Bill C-36 also ignores this reality.
This is one reality of many that is often ignored—the story of those who have worked in the trade without coercion or exploitation. I was not trafficked but because of the definition of a human trafficking victim, I would be considered a victim. The alienation, isolation, and denial of services from the policing agencies and domestic violence organizations are re-traumatizing in itself. Sex workers deserve protection and access to services. Sex workers are persons too!
Stop listening to biased and creatively manipulated research! Start listening to real live sex workers. Do not DARE dismiss our words because we are “too close to the subject” and “morally suspect.” The subject is our LIVES and SAFETY. You would never get away with this in any other context and you should be cringing in shame at doing it to us.
Poplar Kid’s Republic
Shakespeare & Co. Antiquarian Books
Cook and Book
El Ateneo Grand Splendid
Buenos Aires, Argentina
No, but think about this. We’ve seen the Winter Soldier face Fury’s car.
Maybe he’s done the same with Howard. Maybe his hair wasn’t so long yet. Maybe he wasn’t wearing a mask. Maybe Howard saw his face in the headlights for just a second.
Maybe Howard and Maria died in a car crash. Maybe Howard swerved to not hit a ghost.